Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Fuck Me Runnin’ Pastor Beard!!!

Damn, he’s cute! I’m here to tell you that Christopher Beard of the New Life Church’s TwentyFourSeven Ministry is hot. You sure got a purty mouth, Chris! He admitted to “sexual misconduct and other mistakes.” None of the news stories say if the “sexual misconduct” was with a man or a woman…or a barnyard pet. I can just hear him on his first date, “Darlin’, there’ll never be another ewe.”
What is it with evangelical ministers and gay sex? Are they hiding a spiritual secret we should all be let in on? I think they are.
I was checking out the staff at New Life Church and they’re a gaggle of hotties! Guys this cute are almost NEVER straight! Ross is cute enough to eat! Rob is a sweat strawberry blonde. And then there’s Lance…oh baby! Brian’s baby blues make me weak. John’s a big boy and you know who I like them big! Ted has this military look that makes me want to stand at attention. Little Billy is the sweet high school cheerleader type. Adam is adorable. Love those kissable lips! Brent gives me a stiffy just looking at him! Aaron is soooo masculine. I’d drink his bathwater! David is so hot he leads a group called “the furnace.” Last, but not least is Glenn. If he doesn’t make your gaydar go ding, ding, ding, I don’t know who will. He puts the oral in Oral Roberts! These hotties should do a New Life Calendar!
Colorado Springs is becoming the new Sodom just like I knew it would. All these men of God foaming at the mouth about gay sex. Methinks thou dost protest TOO MUCH!!!

1 comment:

Mark Hernandef said...

Speaking of foreskin... Why don't Colonel Saunders' daughters eat KFC extra-crispy chicken? Because it reminds them of their father's foreskin. Ooooh.